Explosion of Lycra Hotness Happens at NOON. 
Come channel your inner bitch and witness the fitness.

This is our 4th year giving the rainbow serpentines all the lycra dance passion
 our bitching hearts possess.
Here are some shots from pervious bitch outs.
(Also next open practice will be early feb! Email us if you want in. All welcome)

The Biggest Bitching Show in Two Years is on THIS Saturday Night. SAT 29TH SEPTEMBER. 9PM
As part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival 2012, The Real Hot Bitches and Kitty Bang present 'Strictly Bitching: lights, lycra, glitter, glory and all things hot and bitching. and by HOT we mean YOU.
We know there is a bitch inside of each one us struggling to get out, and that bitch is hot, real hot. Bring out your inner bitch at Strictly Bitching. The Real Hot Bitches will show you how.
Dance offs, Make Overs LIVE on stage, and a dancefloor mania created by the one and only hot bitches DANCETERIA DJS.
These lycra clad show ponies will teach you how to execute with finesse some of their signature hot bitching dance moves.


Below is the most incredible and most bitching article ever to be written about us.
It was published in Finger Magazine earlier this year. It captures all the lycra love and dance passion of the bitches like never before! Written by the amazingly talented emerging writer Ola Kotnowska. We are very lucky to have her words.

So You Think You Can Bitch?
Written by Ola Kotnowska

The Real Hot Bitches is a mob of ferociously colourful lovers of feeling the
80s rhythm through uninhibited dancing, leotards, g-tards and, naturally,
channeling their “inner bitch”. One of Melbourne’s most original treasures,
this garage-band of dance not only entertain their audience through their
choreographed routines and, as they call it, “crotch emphases”, but through
their non-chalant bravery of answering their natural instinct to dance, they
teach their admiring fans of letting go…

Theresa had never imagined that, four years after the encounter on the tram,
she would be otherwise referred to by her stage-name, Teleesheah Sunrise. Nor
did she ever imagine owning a collector-card dedicated to her very self, with her
face and pseudonym boldly printed across it. Teleesheah Sunrise’s affair with the
stage is perhaps akin to the quintessential rags-to-riches story: it begins with a
syendipidious encounter.
One night, Theresa was sitting on a tram on her way to a party. Scattered
islands of glitter floated around the corners of her eyes, dripping down all the
way along the rise of her cheeks. A touch of golden and turquoise sequence
speckled across the shoulders and sleeves of her jumper. She did what she did
almost each time she hunted out the nightlife for a dance – Theresa transformed
into a subtle nocturnal party-peacock.
One stop before Theresa was due to hop off the tram, a strikingly colourful
pack of youngsters, drenched in the signposts of the 80s as if freshly teleported,
approached her. Molly Moonshine stood at the centre, a bleach-wigged queen
supported by her possé decked out in lycra, pattern on pattern, flouro clashes
and fierce hair. Molly Moonshine offered Theresa a piece of paper with a number
scribbled across it: “wanna join my 80s dance troupe, the Real Hot Bitches? Call

The Real Hot Bitches are exactly that - a group of (real) hot bitches, both female
and male, who act out their unanimous love of leotards, lycra on lycra on lycra,
legwarmers, mullet-wigs sprouting out of leopard-print headbands, makeup
dripping in fluro glitz and Swayze through choreographed dance routines to 80s

In the spirit of the untamed, experimental mentalism of the 1980s, the Real
Hot Bitches do not keep their explosive moves to the bedroom, but flaunt it
far and further across the stages of Melbourne. On stage, you see a hotpot of
colour, sharp and daring hip grinds, impassioned air guitarists, floor-workout
and, if you look close enough, a sultry look with perhaps a glittery wink from
the performers who, with the sweat, confidence and contagious energy of their
routines, seduce their fans to the sexiness and carelessness of dance.

It is this seductive invitation to reconnect with dance in wild costumes that,
since 2008 - around the time when Theresa the Tram Girl metamorphosed into
the alluring Teleesheah Sunrise – has enabled the Real Hot Bitches to carve their
name deep across Melbourne’s arts and entertainment scenes. In both 2009 and
2010 the Real Hot Bitches sold out their respective Melbourne Fringe Festival

shows Dance is a Battlefield and So You Think You Can Bitch. Since 2010, the Real
Hot Bitches have been invited to entertain audiences at The Rainbow Serpent
Festival, with this year being no exception. Apart from their larger gigs, the Real
Hot Bitches perform at various parties, events, openings and festivals across
Melbourne. Due to popular demand, to keep their fans satiated between shows,
the 80s babes have recently released a set of Real Hot Bitches collector-cards:
each card representing one of the 15 bitches in their truest bitchin’ element.

The birth of the Real Hot Bitches starts with Molly Moonshine’s personal
leap across continents. When Molly Moonshine migrated to Melbourne from
Wellington, New Zealand, she did not arrive alone. With her, she brought the
seed of the original Real Hot Bitches: the dance troupe that, alongside other Kiwi
bitches, she had started a few years prior. In Wellington, the Real Hot Bitches
have mesmerised audiences with TV appearances, regular gigs around town
and sold-out tickets to Fringe Festival events. In her new city, Molly Moonshine
had missed bitching so much – the euphoria of dance, costumes and channeling
the “inner bitch” - that she had started approaching Melbournians with the
somewhat wacky premise of what made her tick: dance and lycra and Def
Leppard! In-closet “maniacs on the dance-floor” across Melbourne were sold, and
with each side-show, party performance and training, the Aussie possé began to
gain momentum. Into their fourth year, with each upcoming gig, the Melbourne
maniacs hip-grind straight into new horizons.

Today, Teleesheah Sunrise is five minutes away from joining the rest of the
bitches on the floor of a studio in the inner suburbs of Melbourne, where they
are about to practice their latest set for the upcoming Rainbow Serpent Festival.
To start the New Year in true bitchin’ fashion, Teleesheah Sunrise is wearing her
favourite outfit – one that is a little wilder than her get-up on the day when she
bumped into the colourful mob on the tram. Teleesheah Sunrise stands tall, fluro-
pink boots are pulled up over tight black lycra leggings invaded by neon floral
prints, a custom-made electric blue leotard is layered by a purple holographic
g-tard found in the kids’ section at an op-shop. One hand is covered by a white
lace glove, one which Teleesheah confesses that she must regularly replace due
to the wear-and-tear it suffers when she seductively crawls and thrusts her
body across the stage during performances and practices. The knotted black
wig, pulled into a side ponytail that springs with the slightest head movements,
contradicts the blue and pink streaks of glitter painted across her eyes. “More
is more” – Teleesheah Sunrise quotes one of the bitches’ most widely practiced
maxims, she pauses, and confesses – “when I leave the house, I go back, and chuck
on another five layers, and that’s when I’m ready to bitch.”

Stevie Nicks’ Age of Seventeen fills the studio, and together with Teleesheah, the
rest of the troupe sweep their way into the middle of the empty space, a flock
of Rainbow Lorikeets filling empty skies. In the heat of their trance on stage,
with the combination of rhythm and hip’n’body shakin’, and an almost perfect
synchronisation of the two, the dancers look untouchable. But, Teleesheah
explains as she warms up by attempting a moonwalk, arms flailing in all
directions - anyone can be a Real Hot Bitch because here, whatever you lack in
technique, you make up in passion. The Real Hot Bitches challenge the idea of

dance as a set of strictly preconceived moves, performed only by those who
have devoted to it decades in tightly fitted slippers. Dance is for everybody:
the feeling of truly letting go that dance exudes should not only be restricted to
Madonna. It is this idea - the natural desire of all humans to feel dance without
the overbearing shadow of instructions and technique – that is what pushes the
heart of each bitch. Their almost theatrical, sexually infused movements in front
of audiences is not a way of satisfying the show-pony within, but it is simply a
response to their desires of self-expression. With the costumes (very) tightly
intact, the performers are further “bitchspired” to conquer limits with their
routines. As soon as you put on your costume, you instantaneoulsy transform intoan 80s rock-star! – Teleesheah pipes in - people underestimate the power of lycra.

- Ola Kotnowska, Finger Magazine 2012

Bitching for a Cause!

We're holding open practises every 3rd Tuesday for the next 5 months to raise money for Amnesty International!  Email: for full deets!

Rainbow Review and upcoming gigs!

The Real Hot Bitches rocked Rainbow Serpent Festival for the 3rd year running in Jan 2012.  With blistering performances on the Playground Stage on Saturday right after our lycra babes-in-arms Rockaerobics, and a hot damn second performance on the Luminosity Stage on Sunday the bitches were simply sizzling!

Pics below:

You can catch the bitches at our fave queer party Danceteria on Friday Feb 17th at The Laundry on Johnson Street.  12.30am the bitches will thrust their way onto the stage to bitch out to some of your 80s faves!  Link to the FaceBitch event page is here:

The bitches have also been invited to bust out some of our bogan faves in some exclusive late night shows at The Famous Spiegeltent.  11.30pm on Saturday 3rd and Saturday 24th of March.  Leather, and leopard print will be the order of the night!  Check the Spiegeltent page here:

Molly Moonshine


That's right, the Real Hot Bitches are BACK at Rainbow Serpent Festival for another year!  2012 brings the stylin moves of all your fave bitches at the Playground stage at 1.30pm on Saturday 28th of January AND Sunday 29th at 4.15pm.  Be there hotties~~!!!  Link to Rainbow's site here:

Molly Moonshine

The Thousands Variety Fringe Trim - Friday Sep 30th 2011

Although the Real Hot Bitches decided mainly due to the personal and work commitments of Mistress Moonshine to not put on a Fringe Festival show this year, we did have the honour of being asked to perform at this fine event.  Our friends at Three Thousand magazine put together a variety night at the Fringe Club, (the North Melbourne Town Hall)  We busted out a classic bogan number to Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar, then moved right along to U Got the Look by Prince, and finished off with Maniac from Flashdance.  Jet Phoenix was our welder with power at the climax of the dance, and it was grand to be able to contribute to Fringe this year (even if it was in a much smaller capacity than previous years!)  Thanks Three Thousand and Melbourne Fringe Festival!

 The beautiful North Melbourne Town Hall at night.

 It was Winona Ride-Ya's debut gig!  Hot DAMN Winona!

 Blonde Jovi looking saucy as usual!

 Maniac's bitching welding mask, complete with pink thunderbolt!

 Telesheeah, A-Vice and Donna Comet.

 Maniac's welding iron!

 A-Vice, Donna Comet (looking in mirror) Starborah Harry and Blonde Jovi and Winona Ride-Ya in foreground.


Photography: Felicity Young. Official RHB Photobitch.

The bitches returned to roller derby town to rock the stadium with some half time entertainment.
Opening with a bit of Gunners, we welcomed them to our jungle then gave the audience Easy Tiger's brand new chorey to Eye of The Tiger (pretty sure they loved it)  As we finished with a bit of Pat Benetar's sensual shimmying to Love Is A Battlefield, it was strangely interrupted half way through by a bit of Beyonce's 'All The Single Ladies.'  Not exactly 80s but we bitched out to it all the same until Pat kicked back in again!

Excellent photos below by, VRDL photographer.

Head Mistress Molly Moonshine

Gypsy Boogaloo popping her RHB performance cherry with GNR kiss of death.

Donna Comet Bogan Queen

Easy Tiger lost her merkin in the thrill of the fight

Jet Phoenix

Skyrocket Delight and Dolly Dagger

Warm Up and Bitch Out in July!!

Every Tuesday in July Mistress Molly Moonshine will be teaching a brand new dance!  If you've ever thought about coming along to bitch out with us, well here's your chance!  Bring along a friend, $5 and a bitching attitude.  Bitching workout gear or other hideous 80s outfits are encouraged but not compulsory.  Boy and Girl Bitches welcome!  Every Tuesday in July, in the circus space at IRENE Community Warehouse.
Email us for details: 

Molly Moonshine

Rainbow Serpent 2011 - Review

Rainbow Bitches
Synergy, one of the members of the Real Hot Bitches gives us his thoughts on the 2011 Rainbow Serpent Festival.

The Real Hot Bitches were welcomed back to the Rainbow Serpent Festival for the second year in a row.  Nine bitches made it for the festival. Head mistress Molly Moonshine, Sassy Scratch, Cherry Deelite, Bronequa, Donna Comet, Synergy, A-Vice Waka De Chang Chang, Jet Phoenix and Teleesheah Sunrise. We had a sweet spot in the performer/crew camp area and erected the Real Hot Bitches flag; a bold fuschia and black swathe with a shot of sequins for good measure. We’d staked our claim and got down to the nuts and bolts of the festival: drinking, eating and general mischief.
We were scheduled for two performances. One at 4:30pm on Saturday and 3:30pm on Sunday. Both were at the euphemistically named ‘playground’ which to be honest got my hopes up a little. If a hot, dusty tent is your idea of a playground then I question what kind of school you attended as a child. But a stage is a stage and it was epic in size and grandeur.

On the Saturday afternoon we left our camp base and made our way to the playground. Ghetto blaster on Moonshine’s shoulder, vogueing our way to the tent kicking up dust in our Reeboks and causing quite the scene. Festival-goers had mixed reactions. There were some huge smiles, bewilderment, and a little mild indifference. This is Rainbow after all and it takes some pretty fucked up outfits to get a second look from some seasoned festival regulars who’ve seen it all. Seriously, there was an obese guy wearing coochie cutters and a midnight blue velvet cape. Try competing with that. Sometimes a writhing wave of sparkling lycra is just so whatever for some people but that was from only a few. It’s partly due to what I like to think of as festival fatigue. It’s where you’re exposed such dangerously high levels of crazy that you get used to it and you’re like person in black shroud with scream mask and charred remains of mannequin roped on back? Seems legit.

One overly enthusiastic punter asked if he could join us on stage. In exchange for this he offered to show us his junk. We politely declined. Arriving  and cutting a line through the audience we made our way backstage. A four minute trek from our campsite to the playground had reduced us to a hot mess of sweat, polyester and nylon. We sat, took off our wigs and used them as fans. Having a wig is great and has many uses aside from simply popping it on your head. It can also make a chic clutch purse when you’re in a pinch and need to stash your camera and cigarettes. How vogue is that?!
Backstage for our Saturday performance we were all a little beat. I was sitting still, desperately trying to maintain a low body temperature to avoid  passing out on stage when doing those high leg kicks. You might find that funny (and quite rightly) but it almost happened to me one time I performed Stevie Nicks’ Edge Of Seventeen at the North Melbourne Town Hall. Just like a white winged dove sing the song now I’m feelin’ dizzy, ooh, ooh, oh god, room is getting black, weird, hold your shit together Synergy! True Story. 

The stage director told us we were on in 5 minutes. In a flash we went from lycra zombies to 80’s energizer bunnies. Our Saturday set was homie inspired. Hammer’s Can’t Touch This, Salt n Pepa’s Push It and Mel and Kim’s Respectable. We gave it everything we had. Sweat flew off us like a sprinkler system but it didn't matter. It was 10 minutes of electric hot moves. The crowd had definitely perked up and we had an adoring fan at the front all wide-eyed. She was probably about 8 years old and she was captivated. As we were leaving the tent the girl caught sight of us and started jumping up and down. We had a fan. Our Sunday performance was tight. We had the moves down, our energy was super high and the crowd was great. As we left the stage we had a request for The Final Countdown. If it was part of our routine of dances I think we would've done it. Waka De Chang Chang was complimented on her hot booty and DC Comet was told she was the most convincing with her facial expressions (what does that even mean!?) 

All in all we had an amazing time. The Rainbow Serpent crew were rad and it was awesome to be a part of the festival and contribute to the good vibes. So a big thank you to the organisers, performers, DJ's, everyone!  Roll on 2012.

Bikini Chain Gang at the Tote - REVIEW

OMG the Real Hot Bitches went off on Saturday night at this fun fun gig!  Big thanks to the headliners The Blow Waves for including us in such a fab line up!  Bronequa cosied up to a Blow Wave in a bikini - HOT DAMN!